just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
