I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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