For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
nutella sex= disaster
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
