I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
