I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
