wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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