White coat. Heels.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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