fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
