I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he was CRYING into my vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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