i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
