the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
