I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
