We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
