all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
