was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
