And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
