we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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