she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
