Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
