6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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