so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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