dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
