I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
