Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
