Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
