all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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