I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
