just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
