sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
