hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
