nut hugger
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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