At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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