Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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