I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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