is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
