Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
