Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
