Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
