he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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