just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
