i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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