some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
