Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
