can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
