I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
As shirtless as possible
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
