and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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