I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
