Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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