1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
