I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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