eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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