ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
