Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
