I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
